Keep Doing What Your'e Doing

The sun shines today, it is cold, but the sun is still shining! I have been in "remission" for nine days. I can hardly believe it because it has been a very long time since I have felt this good. One thing I have to remember is that this is usually the time when I quit taking care of myself and start living for everyone else.
I did this the other day. It was a busy day of doctor's appointments and children's needs and before I knew it the day was done and it was about time for bed. I started to feel extremely anxious, telling myself I needed more time in my day because I had forgotten to care for myself. I ended up having to take a Clonopin to calm myself down and went to bed.
So how do we take care of ourselves when we really feel on top of our game? When our mind is finally settled down and we can actually find happiness throughout our day? That is the big question, but the answer is simple. Do what we would do if we were feeling unstable, depressed, or manic. We keep fighting, learning, listening, and talking.
If you would normally sleep when you are depressed then take a shorter nap even when you are not depressed. If you would normally blog about your feelings when they are "off" then blog about your feelings when they are stable. If you normally use coping skills to get you through your days then research new coping skills and keep them fresh and interesting.
Just a few reminders to yourself throughout the day will keep you on your toes for when your mood decides to start bouncing again. Little tricks, like trying to keep the same routines can really help you keep yourself from becoming bombarded when you are feeling good! So take some time out today just for you, do something you enjoy, and make yourself smile!

"Normal" Emotions

Many times when we have that official diagnosis of bipolar or depression people do not realize we are actually capable of displaying so called "normal" emotions. Believe it or not there are times when I get mad because someone did something stupid. Believe it or not sometimes I do get sad because something has affected me and caused sadness. Believe it or not sometimes I am happy because I am simply in a good mood.
Not every blasted emotion is a result of our mental illness! We are still human, we still feel, we do still have times of so called "normalcy". I realize our emotions can be up and down some days, but there are other days where our emotions are in balance and we are just trying to live life as every other "normal" person out there.
I had this experience tonight with my husband. Something he did made me mad. It did not make me manic, I wasn't feeling bipolar, I was feeling anger...100% "normal" anger! As I was trying to tell him why he had made me so mad he told me I was starting to get "wound up". Really? "Wound up"! Believe it or not I had all my thoughts completely together, I was simply displaying realistic anger, and I was damn proud of the way I was handling myself. I was very far from "wound up".
So next time someone with a mental illness feels angry, sad, or happy, don't jump to the conclusion that their illness is talking (or yelling in my case). Stop for a moment and consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, they are feeling an emotion that most people just understand and consider "normal".

Bipolar or ADHD? Who knows!

I have tried, over the last few days, to focus less on my illness and more on God and life in general. I haven't failed miserable, but I have failed. My focus still tends to be on my bipolar disorder and ADHD. I have not had a bout with depression in about two months so obviously I have not focused on that. Thank goodness for one less thing!
It is pretty difficult to have both bipolar disorder and ADHD, ya never know which one is flaring up because they look so similar. I tend to think it is mainly my ADHD because the thing I notice most with the bipolar is the dysphoric mania. But then again I tend to overanalyze everything I do so maybe it is the bipolar disorder.
Another thing I tend to do is research the crap out of my disorders and then forget everything I just reserached. See what I mean? Which is it? Bipolar disorder or ADHD? It can be very frustrating for anyone who deals with either one or both!
So tonight I am going to do some reading on both and figure out what the issue is because there has got to be a more level playing field for my brain than this. The ups and downs, some say rapid cycling, are annoying, but I honestly don't know if that is what it is. How can I explain all this to my doctor if I have no idea what I am talking about and don't remember from one day to the next what symptoms I had. AGGRAVATING! Oh, and for those that think a mood journal would work, sure it would, but I cannot remember to write in it!
Oh the life of mental illness...I hate you, but I'm gonna give it a whirl to figure all this out!

My New Focus

I am on a mission today, a mission to change my focus and my thinking towards something I have been setting off to the side. I have lived and breathed my illnesses over the last few months I have researched and studied bipolar disorder, depression, and ADHD so much that it is pretty much all I think about 24/7. I thought I was doing the "smart" thing by helping myself to understand more about the illnesses, finding ways to cope, and looking for answers to just "get better". I kept telling myself there had to be a purpose for my life, but I had no idea what it was. I knew I wanted to help others who struggle, but I couldn't figure out how I could do enough to fulfill my ever empty soul.
It hit me this morning. Where is God in all this? Why have I not researched Him more? Why I have I not spent every moment living and breathing Him and what He has to say about purpose, coping, and healing? Was I afraid of what people might think? Maybe, I think so, unfortunately yes.
I put my faith in God when I was just a little girl and I have had my ups and downs with God. I struggle and I am human. But one thing always remains and that is His love and compassion for me. I know mental illness cannot be prayed away. I also know that menetal illness was not given to us because of sin in our lives. I would never tell anyone that God is punishing them because they do not follow Him or that if they would just follow Him they would be healed. I don't believe that to be true at all!
What I do believe to be true is that only God knows our true passion for our lives. Only He can give us the purpose in our pain. Only He loves us enough to completely understand what we are going through. And only He can offer us the true hope we need in our lives.
So I am starting this new focus and thinking plan today. I am not going to live and breathe my illnesses but I am going to live and breathe the only One who truly has the answers I need for my life. I will still fail miserabley at times. I will still get depressed. I will still deal with the dysphoric mania that somtimes consumes me, but I will continue to get back up with the help of my perfect Friend, Jesus!

Dysphoria Coming Soon

I sit here feeling the dysphoric mania coming on and what can I do about it? Nothing! I went five straight days without an episode. Silly me, I thought the Depakote my actually be doing the trick. I thought maybe they have finally found a medication cocktail that would put me into remission for a month, two months, maybe longer.
Well, to my disappointment I can feel the anger start to build within my body. Warning signs? Yep I feel them. Coping skills? Yep, tried them. But they fail every single time! The anger just consumes me and I end up yelling, cussing, throwing things, and just really hating life.
I have no idea what this day is going to bring, but is it any wonder why I hate to go to bed at night? I am afraid of what the morning has to bring! Am I going to wake up sad, happy, angry, discouraged, frustrtated, overwhelmed, or maybe even suicidal? Heck, I don't know...I NEVER know and it pisses me off! I don't want five days of level mood...I want SIX...is that too much to ask? AHHHHH!

Dear Bipolar and Depression

Dear Bipolar and Depression,
I think by now you know how much I hate you both! Just the thought of you makes me sick to my stomach. My mind swirls with outrage at what you do to people. You try so hard to take lives and spin them out of control. You debilitate and cause amazing people to really feel the hopelessness that you have to offer.
You try to cause confussion, anger, sadness, frustration, outrage, and extremely low self worth. You try to make relationships fail by tearing apart loved ones who stand in the path of your destruction. You try to torture innocent people with your unending attacks on ones mind. You work and work day in and day out, you are tireless at executing your plans.
But let me tell you something dear bipolar and depression...You will NOT take me down without a fight! Just when you think you have me in your grasp I promise to wiggle my way out and when I break free I will come back at you with a vengence.
You cannot control me because I am strong...I am a fighter...I am your worse nightmere. I have fought this battle with you for so many years and I know what it takes to survive. I know your little tricks and I know the turns you take. But you know what? I am smarter, braver, and have more passion inside of me then you can even imagine.
The world is full of innocent people that you try to devour, but these people are strong too. Like me they know how to wage this war against you both. They are survivors as well. They have hope and determintation that puts you to shame. They have stood up time and time again only to have you try to knock them down. But guess what? They will continue to stand up and eventually you will feel their wrath.
I want you to know you have not won this battle of our minds and you never will. The world is standing up together and making some noise. We are who we are, we are loud, and we are proud! So understand this, you are NOTHING, we are EVERYTHING, and we will continue to put YOU to shame until our time on earth is done!

Let's Break Some Stuff

The morning started out as every other morning. I woke up to my husband bringing me coffee, take my blood sugar, swallow a fist full of pills, and rub on some orange and peppermint oil (for mood). I have nothing planned for the day (mistake number 1) so I head out to the kitchen to clean up after the kids. I get the kitchen cleaned and decide to head into the living room and start my social media adventure.
The first thing I notice is that there hasn't been very many views on my blog (discouragement number 1), then I notice there hasn't been much activity on my FB page Hope in Hillsdale County (discouragement number 2), and finally I check my Youtube video and see only two views (discouragement number 3). Discouragement is just me being impatient and expecting myself to be way better at something than I am...Did I mention discouragement leads to depression?
I then decide to watch some television, maybe that will perk my day up...nope. The discouragement and the fact that I have nothing planned for the day has already done a number on my little bipolar brain! And then it hits me...like a bolt of lightening...ANGER!
I get my husbands attention by throwing a candle and smashing it against the bedroom door, all the while I am yelling profanity and horrible things about myself to my husband. Since that didn't affect him I decide to throw some more stuff while my brain screams in aggony and more hurtful and abusive things fly out of my mouth.
After breaking a few more things, throwing a small dresser across the room, and my husband walking out because he cannot take anymore, I throw myself on the bed and cry. Just as quickly as it came on, it ended. I am left to clean up the physical and emotional mess I have made.
I am very lucky to be married to someone who forgives me as quickly as my episode began. However, the hurt I caused cannot be forgotten. I ask myself, "Why did you not see the triggers?" "Why did you not fight harder to control the anger?" "Why can I not experience manic episodes of euphoria instead of anger?" So many unanswered questions that I have to live with...
Tonight I sit here drained, with so many questions rolling around in my already overwhelmed brain. Discouraged that I just cannot figure out how to take control of my brain. But I try to tell myself, I have a mental disorder and my brain will never function normally. I have to pick myself back up and try again, but most importantly I have to be patient with myself, forgive myself, and love who I am, functioning brain or not!

Does It Feel Good To Feel Bad?

Sometimes it just feels good to feel bad...Why? Well, here is my take on it. There are many times I fall into a deep depression and my mind races with every negative thought I can possibly think of. I reminice about all the bad things that ever happend to me. I call myself names like loser, fatty, ugly, and stupid. I tell myself how worthless I am, no one loves me, no one cares about me, you might as well be dead, etc. I spend a great amount of time tearing myself down.

I did this today, for a bit, and then something came out of my mouth that I didn't even think about. I said, "It's too hard to try and feel better, it is just easier to sit here and let the depression swallow me whole." Isn't that true? The best thing to do always seems like the hardest, at least for me.

It was so easy for me to sit there and think of negative things, they flowed out of my brain like a giant waterfall. In order to think of positive things I had to struggle and fight and I didn't want to do that. But eventually I had to start envisioning that light at the end of the long dark tunnel I was in. I had to push aside all the negatives and start turning my attention to even the smallest positive thing I could think of. I tried to think of how miserable I felt and ask myself if I really wanted to continue down a miserable path or if I wanted to actually feel better.
My mind started pushing through the negative and coming up with positives to replace those thoughts. I thought about the fact that I had a husband who loves me, three amazing kids who need their mom healthy and happy, I even thought about my pets and how they needed me to take care of them. I realized once I started thinking of positve things in my life it became easier and easier to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
When we get to that dark place that doesn't seem to want to let go of us we have to ask ourselves how long we really want to feel that way. I think everyone wants to feel better, it is just the issue of how to get there. We have to learn to stop the negative thinking as quick as possible and turn our attention to our blessings rather than our misfortunes. As always we just have to fight another day!

Manic Rage

I hate bipolar. I hate mania. I hate depression. I hate being fine one minute and not the next. The snow won't stop, I can't go anywhere, I am tired of television, radio, painting, drawing, playing games, and eating. I have done every single thing that I am supposed to do in order to work through the mood changes today, but it is not working. I am depressed because I cannot go outside or go for a drive or visit a friend. I cannot do anything but sit inside and watch it snow.
Being depressed about this has just turned into anger and I mean anger that is worse than a raging bull! I want to scream at the top of my lungs, throw glass objects at the windows, cuss out anyone that comes into my path, drive reckelessly down a freeway in the wrong direction, beat myself in the head and beat anyone else in the head that tries to make me feel better.
This crap is real and it hurts....IT FREAKING HURTS! When all you want is to feel OK, relaxed, happy, NORMAL, but you can't. You just can't no matter how hard you try! Is this the part where I am just supposed to go to a quiet room, stuff the emotions down, and FEEL my way through the anger and depression?
I'm talking out loud. I'm pouring my heart out into this blog and all I keep thinking is how bad this sucks...it's not fair...and I'm tired of it! Give me more than a couple days of normalcy...I want weeks of it! This is ridiculous, I'm pissed off, and I'm freaking exhausted!

I Will Fight

I get mad, furious, and so outraged I can throw a dish across the room. I get sad, depressed, and cry so much that I run out of tears. I get overwhelmed, frustrated, and discouraged to the point of feeling hopeless. But I also can be so happy that I feel my soul will overflow with joy.
I have experienced abuse at the hand of someone I thought loved me and felt the pain of being left to stand on my own. But I have also felt the warm embrace from a man who truly does love me. A man who holds my hand when I am scared, who wipes the tears from my face when I am sad, who lifts me up when I have fallen, and who challenges me every day to fight my battles with everything I am.
At 37 years old I have already fought an overwhelming amount of battles that no one should ever have to fight, but yet so many of us do. We fight and we fight and we fight some more. And no matter how many times we hear those words...fighting makes you stronger...we have a hard time believing it. But it is so true. With every battle we fight we do gain strength. It isn't the battle that makes us strong, it is the fight within us.
I am unique, creative, loving, kind, caring, supportive, loud, and proud. I am proud of who I am, proud of where I have come from, and proud of where I am going in life. I am proud of how hard I have fought to win this battle against mental illness. And I will continue to fight with all that I am. I will fight for myself, but I will also fight for others.
I will fight for those people who feel they are alone, abandoned, and afraid...I will stand up to those who call us "psycho", "crazy", "insane", and let them know exactly what they are up against. They are  up against individuals who never know, from one day to the next, what they will feel or experience, yet they survive. Individuals who can be in the depths of despair, yet pull themselves out and survive. Individuals who never stop fighting no matter what the odds and no matter what the battle is. Individuals like you and me! Fighters with the greatest will in the world to survive!

Helping Others

Today I received a phone call from our local newspaper. They heard that I was starting a support group for bipolar and depression in my county. They wanted to ask me a few questions about it so they could do an article for the paper. I was extremely excited and honored!
I explained to them that my reason behind the support group was so that individuals could share their experiences and feelings with the two disorders and offer support to others going through the same thing. I think it is so important for people to share their struggles and stories because it encourages others and helps them to know they are not alone.
I think feeling alone is one of the biggest problems with both disorders, any mental illness really. The feelings can be so overwhelming. How do we handle the feelings of aloneness? I know, for myself, there is nothing worse than thinking you are the only one in the world that is suffering, no one cares, you are not worthy of love and you tell yourself that is why you are alone. Our brains tell us lies and we believe them.
One of the things that has helped me to not feel alone is by sharing my story and reaching out to others. By reaching out to others I am not only helping them, but I am helping myself. Using Twitter and Facebook is one way to reach out to others, lend your support, and gain support. Sometimes it is so much easier to use social media because those people do not really know us, we can remain anonymous and share our deepest feelings without the worry of being judged. It has truly helped me in a way I never thought about before.
So my encouragement today is to reach out and help someone, you will be surprised at how much it will help you in return!

Tips For Coping

I wanted to share some coping tips I have learned during my journey of struggling with bipolar and depression. I hope you find at least one of these tips helpful as you continue to live your life with strength and courage. A lot of the tips include making lists which can be extremely beneficial when you deal with a brain that just does not want to function a lot of the time. So here goes...

1. First and foremost you must pray over everything! Talk to God throughout the day, when you are happy, sad, mad, etc. God understands and He is ALWAYS there to listen.
2. Second most important thing, do not wait to find a good counselor. No matter how strong you think you are get a counselor to help talk through all the many emotions you feel from day to day.
3. Make lists! This is key to help you figure out where you are in your life, what you have gone through, good or bad.
4. List your blessings daily, no matter how large or small, list them all. Try to list at least five a day, I bet you will find you have much more that that!
5. List the good things about yourself, do not be afraid to list ANYTHING.
6. List your support system, friends, family, pastors, counselors, etc.
7. List the different ways you can de-stress when you feel like you are losing control. Examples: take a hot bath, listen to a good song, call a friend, read encouraging quotes, etc.
8. Be involved as much as possible in a church, book club, online forums, or other social club.
9. Never be afraid to cry! Crying really does heal your soul. With every tear shed it is one step closer to feeling whole again. Tears do not show weakness, they show the building of strength!

I hope some of these may help and I look forward to sharing more thoughts throughout my journey!

The Beginning of My Story

I realized this morning I have never really introduced myself through this blog, so now might be a good time to do it. Here's my story...
At the ripe old age of six weeks old I was adopted by an amazingly, loving Christian couple and raised in a tiny little town in Michigan. I never knew anything but love and understanding growing up and was constantly reminded that God is love.
My troubles began in 1998 when I met and married a man who would change my life forever. This man did not know love, only hurt. He began physically abusing me shortly after we got together. I have been asked a million times, why did you not leave him? Well, as many abused individuals say, I loved him and I don't know why.
I gave birth to my first child in 1999 and two weeks after he was born I took a head first leap into depression. No warning signs, no small steps, nothing...just a dive into a deep black hole. Of course my husband continued the abuse and I continued taking it, falling deeper and deeper into that dark abyss.
As the years came and went I gave birth to two more amazing children, but lived in constant fear of an abusive man and a depression that came and went as often as it liked. In 2005 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was told it was due to PTSD. The abuse I had endured throughout the years had really done a number on my brain and so my life changed forever.
I struggled with hopelessness and next to no self esteem, I felt as though everything inside me had been destroyed and I would never be whole again. I fought daily for a marriage that was ending and I felt as though I had nothing left of myself.
On a rainy and gloomy day in September of 2010 I received a phone call that would add another huge piece to my story. My husband called and simply said, "I just filed for divorce, you can go pick up your papers at my attorney's office." My heart sunk and my mind raced with thoughts of fear, anger, sadness, and helplessness. I had spent 12 years living with a man who abused me almost daily, I had taken care of three children nearly on my own and fought for an abusive marriage I never should have been in in the first place. What was happening to me?
To make a very long story short, I survived. I survived the abuse, the marriage, and the divorce. It was anything but easy. At times I was so depressed I couldn't get out of bed, angry at what my life had become, hopeless because I felt so alone, and even suicidal at times. My marriage was over, but it was one of the biggest blessings of my life. I no longer had to endure the abuse.
Today, I am happily married to my second husband. I have full custody of my three children and am a step mom to two awesome children.

Simple Tasks

My houeshold needs groceries, with seven people living here you can imagine how much food we go through in a week. What do most people do? They usually pick a day and time to get their grocery shopping done for the week, they go and get the groceries...simple right? Well, not for someone who struggles with bipolar disorder. Going to get groceries can be an extremely stressful time.

I was already in town once today for my therapy appointment and I knew I needed to get groceries, however, I just could not get up the gusto to go do it. I decided to just head back into town later when I was feeling up to it and get them then. After coming home and getting a few things done around the house, and I mean a very few, I started thinking about getting groceries. Let me tell you, the thought started terrorizing me. Overwhelming feelings of anxiety and stress flooded my mind and body. The thought of driving into town, walking around a huge store with tons of people in it made me really start to feel ill mentally and physically.

I have read so many things that tell me sometimes you just have to do things you do not want to do...but how? How do you force yourself to do simply little tasks when your brain tells you there is no way you can do it? What is the magic formula to stop your brain from feeling the way it does? Do you just sit back and wait for the feelings to go away (which could be a long time) or do you push through and accomplish the task anyway?

Before I forget, I did quickly realize I forgot to take my second dose of Metadate, so I am hopeful that once it kicks in I will feel like doing what I need to get done. But if it doesn't, then what? I guess I just sit and endure the guilt of not being able to go do such a simply thing like getting groceries and try to deal with it. It is so hard though. The little things I want to do, but my brain will not cooperate with me and so I have to just feel stuck...But I must keep telling myself, this too shall pass, it will not last forever, I can do it later. If I don't take care of the little things guess what? They will turn into a massive case of bipolar episodes, and that is definitely not worth getting groceries for.

Sunshine Day

The rapid cycling was non exsistent today! The days I do not have to deal with rapid cycling are definitely good days. Maybe the Saphris increase is starting to work, it has been a week. When I first started taking Saphris a couple months ago I was prescribed 5mg twice daily. A week ago tomorrow my psychiatrist changed it to 10mg at night and sticking with the 5mg in the morning.
One of the best things about the 10mg at night is that it puts me to sleep after about fifteen mintues, it is fabulous. I no longer have to take medications to help me sleep. So I am hopeful that the rapid cycling will continue to bother me less and less. I did read online that it can take two to three months to see the full benefits of Saphris, so there is still hope for improved mood. I am hopeful!
I was fairly productive today and have suffered very little. I was able to do a lot of online work and even submitted a short story to a website that was requesting submissions for those who suffer from mental illness and are tired of the stigma associated with it. I enjoyed writing the story and it really helped me cope with past traumas of abuse and my bipolar disorder. I will anxiously await hearing if my submission is chosen...just gonna stay positive!
Tomorrow I see my therapist, which always makes me feel better...so here is to a new and brighter tomorrow...just cannot get enough of the good days!

Short Story...Never Alone

Never Alone

By

Cristy A. Brown

She sat in her room not knowing where to turn. Her mind was racing. Was she happy, sad, angry, tired? What was going on she thought? Why was this happening to her? She felt a huge darkness swelling up inside her soul. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before; she was scared, tired, and alone.

The night before, Janice finally broke. She had taken what would be her last beating – emotionally and physically – from her husband. After years of abuse, it finally appeared to have ended with her husband’s words of finality, “I am leaving you.” Although Janice was scared of what was going to happen, she felt a wave of relief whirling through her mind and body. Though she would be alone, she would not have to endure any more damage brought on by years of abuse. However, the abuse was not over; it would continue to haunt her in ways she had never dreamed.

The day after Janice finally broke, she decided she needed to see someone. She made an appointment with her doctor and started the greatest and most difficult journey of her life. After discussing her horrible night with her doctor, he suggested she see a psychiatrist. Janice did not understand. Why would she need to see a psychiatrist? She wasn't crazy, and everyone associates a psychiatrist with someone who is crazy. What was going on? Janice once again felt a great sense of fear. Her fear turned to great panic and an overwhelming surge of sadness. Why was this happening? She just didn't understand. But crazy or not, she decided to at least go and talk to the psychiatrist.

Janice was exhausted the night before her appointment, but she could not sleep. Her mind raced with a million thoughts of what the next day would bring. She could not control the tears as they streamed down her face. But the more she cried, the more she felt a sense of anger welling up inside her. She tried to hide this from her husband, after all, he was leaving soon anyway, and he didn't care; no one cared. Janice was alone.

From the next room her husband heard her cries. He stumbled into the bedroom and started making fun of her. He asked why she was being such a baby and told her to get over it and to grow up. Janice felt as though she would burst! She could not ignore the anger that was growing deeper and deeper. She lashed out yelling and screaming at her husband, telling him all the things he wanted to hear.

Janice felt worthless, like garbage. No one cared and no one ever would. He yelled back agreeing with her that she was worthless and confirmed that no one would ever love her. He could obviously see she was just crazy. He told her she had always been crazy; that she needed locked up somewhere forever. Then those horrific words – the words that uncaring people say – came out of his mouth, “Janice, you should just kill yourself.”

Janice ran to the bathroom, slammed the door, and reached for her husband’s razor blade. She told herself it would just be better this way. No one needed her and no one loved her. The one person she trusted most just told her to end her life. How could life ever get better? I must be crazy she told herself; no one acts like this; no one feels like this...why am I so alone?

What Janice didn't know is that she wasn't alone. Thousands of individuals just like her suffer on a daily basis. But Janice had never heard of “others”. She had only heard that people who suffer from mental illness are crazy. That was the stigma. Janice didn't know what bipolar disorder and depression were. She didn't know it was something that could be brought on by emotional and physical abuse. What Janice did not know could have very easily ended her life that night. But it didn't. Janice made it through that horrific night and used her pain in a way that would help others.

Janice was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression brought on by PTSD. She had suffered for so long, and the results of emotional and physical abuse had really taken a toll on her mind. Janice was hospitalized for a couple of weeks and began a medication regimen that would change her life. She started therapy and began to help others by sharing her story of survival.

Now Janice is nationally known for her story. She has started many support groups for those who struggle with bipolar disorder and depression. She has shared her story far and wide, letting others know she is not ashamed because mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. Her story is powerful and well known by thousands of those who share her pain. She has saved lives through her story. Most importantly though, she has shared her story of strength. Janice is not defined by her disorders, she defines them. She is the hope people need. She is strength!

You Are Not Alone

This disease is real...it hurts...it debilitates...we have got to get the word out there and help others. The pain is real, the emotions are exhausting, this disease takes its toll on thousands of lives. More support groups need formed, more groups need to be available through social media, and we need to get our stories out there so others can relate.

There is strength in numbers. We need to stand up and stand strong against this mental illness. We need to encourage others by reaching out and lending our ear to hear their stories. We need to throw away the fear inside us. We have to be a light to let others know they are not alone!

I stood alone last night, not knowing where to turn. I truly believe there needs to be more avenues of support out there. Some type of social media system where you can turn at any time of any day and someone who understands your struggle will answer you. I searched a lot last night looking for someone to talk to. I preferred someone who did not know me so that I could just open my heart and pour out my feelings. But alas, there was no one...

I want to be an avenue for others to share with. I want to be the start of something great. I want to serve others in a way that has not been done before. I will find a way...I will allow myself to be used to my fullest potential!