Does It Feel Good To Feel Bad?

Sometimes it just feels good to feel bad...Why? Well, here is my take on it. There are many times I fall into a deep depression and my mind races with every negative thought I can possibly think of. I reminice about all the bad things that ever happend to me. I call myself names like loser, fatty, ugly, and stupid. I tell myself how worthless I am, no one loves me, no one cares about me, you might as well be dead, etc. I spend a great amount of time tearing myself down.

I did this today, for a bit, and then something came out of my mouth that I didn't even think about. I said, "It's too hard to try and feel better, it is just easier to sit here and let the depression swallow me whole." Isn't that true? The best thing to do always seems like the hardest, at least for me.

It was so easy for me to sit there and think of negative things, they flowed out of my brain like a giant waterfall. In order to think of positive things I had to struggle and fight and I didn't want to do that. But eventually I had to start envisioning that light at the end of the long dark tunnel I was in. I had to push aside all the negatives and start turning my attention to even the smallest positive thing I could think of. I tried to think of how miserable I felt and ask myself if I really wanted to continue down a miserable path or if I wanted to actually feel better.
My mind started pushing through the negative and coming up with positives to replace those thoughts. I thought about the fact that I had a husband who loves me, three amazing kids who need their mom healthy and happy, I even thought about my pets and how they needed me to take care of them. I realized once I started thinking of positve things in my life it became easier and easier to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
When we get to that dark place that doesn't seem to want to let go of us we have to ask ourselves how long we really want to feel that way. I think everyone wants to feel better, it is just the issue of how to get there. We have to learn to stop the negative thinking as quick as possible and turn our attention to our blessings rather than our misfortunes. As always we just have to fight another day!