Warning...This is a Rant!

I have so many thoughts going through my head. I want to write. I want to speak. I want to be able to do something other than sit around the house. My mind swirls with thoughts and feelings, emotions of every kind. I struggle with keeping my thoughts positive. Those darn negatives keep trying to creep into my mind. I feel about 100 things right now...am I happy? Sad? Discouraged? Overwhelmed? Angry? Excited

Ahhhh. I just cannot take it sometimes. I do not want to have this stupid disease. It is ridiculous. I hate it! A part of me wants to just curl up in a ball and die because I see no pleasure in anything. But nope, gotta keep fighting the good fight. Sometimes I feel like everyone else is selfish. They shouldn't want me to suffer and so I tell myself it would be better if they would just tell me I should kill myself. Like that is my way out. I get so tired of fighting this mess. 

Just when I start to feel better my diabetes acts up and I end up getting depressed for no reason. Of course the only way to lower it is by eating garbage foods and exercising. Well, quite frankly I don't want to do either. I hate it! I worked my butt off going to weight watchers, lost a ton of weight, and then just let myself fall into the big mess of eating crap again and being lazy. Now I sit here fat and unhealthy. 

I am tired of taking pills for blood pressure, diabetes, bipolar, adhd, i mean seriously? I fee like a walking pharmacy. I just want to feel normal. But does anyone know what normal really is? Who in the heck in this world is normal?

I just had another thought. I want to go away with my husband. I want to take like 500 bucks and take off. Go do something spontaneous and fun...get the heck out of this stupid place we call Michigan, with all of its ice and snow and freaking cold temperatures. I need some sunshine and warmth...that would make me feel 110% better. I hate living here.

I feel like I am being a big negative nelly, but am I? Or am I just getting 100 things off my chest that make me feel overwhelmed...Yep, that is what I am doing, venting, and it feels amazing! Everyone should get the opportunity to vent once in awhile, it is what keeps us half way sane...I say halfway because will any of us really ever feel completely sane? I mean where is the fun in that? 

Sometimes it just feels good to go a little bit crazy. Crazy, did I just use that word? Yes I did and at this very moment that is the best word I can think of to describe all these feelings I am feeling. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself...take a big deep breath and laugh...enjoy going off the deep end sometimes. Besides, if you can't go off the deep end sometimes you wouldn't have a story to tell. And without a story to tell your life would be...well...quite boring!