My New Focus

I am on a mission today, a mission to change my focus and my thinking towards something I have been setting off to the side. I have lived and breathed my illnesses over the last few months I have researched and studied bipolar disorder, depression, and ADHD so much that it is pretty much all I think about 24/7. I thought I was doing the "smart" thing by helping myself to understand more about the illnesses, finding ways to cope, and looking for answers to just "get better". I kept telling myself there had to be a purpose for my life, but I had no idea what it was. I knew I wanted to help others who struggle, but I couldn't figure out how I could do enough to fulfill my ever empty soul.
It hit me this morning. Where is God in all this? Why have I not researched Him more? Why I have I not spent every moment living and breathing Him and what He has to say about purpose, coping, and healing? Was I afraid of what people might think? Maybe, I think so, unfortunately yes.
I put my faith in God when I was just a little girl and I have had my ups and downs with God. I struggle and I am human. But one thing always remains and that is His love and compassion for me. I know mental illness cannot be prayed away. I also know that menetal illness was not given to us because of sin in our lives. I would never tell anyone that God is punishing them because they do not follow Him or that if they would just follow Him they would be healed. I don't believe that to be true at all!
What I do believe to be true is that only God knows our true passion for our lives. Only He can give us the purpose in our pain. Only He loves us enough to completely understand what we are going through. And only He can offer us the true hope we need in our lives.
So I am starting this new focus and thinking plan today. I am not going to live and breathe my illnesses but I am going to live and breathe the only One who truly has the answers I need for my life. I will still fail miserabley at times. I will still get depressed. I will still deal with the dysphoric mania that somtimes consumes me, but I will continue to get back up with the help of my perfect Friend, Jesus!